Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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