dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
