im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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