put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh god it's open bar.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
