The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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