So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But theres a keg here and me gusta
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
