Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
