i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
