He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
