This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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