she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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