Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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