i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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