Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
jump out the window naked night went bad
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