Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
