i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
