did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
