Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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