i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize