scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You ruined the universe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
