Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
