Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
