She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
