the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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