if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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