do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
