I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
did you just send me my own nude
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
