I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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