Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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