how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
