She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He better not be in your backpack
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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