I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
