he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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