i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
