This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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