the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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