wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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