I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
