We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize