So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
