I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
