I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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