she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
