im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
