ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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