meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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