I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
