after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
