Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
