absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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