You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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