I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
