i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize