i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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