She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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