How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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