But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
