I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
