i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize