Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
