Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
