Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
