We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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