and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
