I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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