I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
