You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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