Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
