you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
